I have to tell you, my guys are a well-balanced crew.

Eli gives the best hugs

Ben gives the best kisses

Noah gives the best morning snuggles

I'm such a lucky lady!

Hello September!!!

Well, here we are again.  It's been about 5 months since my last post.

 Have you missed us?? 

We're still here and doing well.  The family of five is beginning to feel normal.  It's still not easy, but we have made it to the point where I am able - though not often willing - to take all three boys out by myself.  Usually it's just over to our buddy Sy's house to play, but the four of us have gone to the grocery store together.  Once.  Not planning to do that again, but it's good to know we can survive it if we must!  ;-)

We have much to look forward to.  September is my second most favorite month of the year and it is the threshold into my absolute favorite . . . . October.  In my mind, it's more like "Ahhhhhh"-ctober.  That's how it makes me feel.  Deep breath in and out . . . . "Ahhhhhhh."  Doesn't that feel great?  I love the fall - cooler temps, pumpkins, apples, trees in color, even a little football!  Who loves sweatshirt weather?  This girl does!  The fact that I get to celebrate both my anniversary and my birthday in these months just adds to their appeal.  ;-)

For the first time as a mommy, September also means the start of school!  Noah starts preschool in just a few days and I have to tell you that I am so excited!  We found a great school with an amazing teacher.  I'm anxious to see how Noah does with other kids his age.  I've gotten involved with the school as treasurer, so it's keeping me busy and introduced me to so many great new friends.  It's awesome!  I'm sure there will be many more posts with preschool news, stories, and pictures.  For now, the big question we are all asking is,

"I wonder if Dog-Dog is going to go to preschool, too??"  ;-)

I can't finish this post without a picture or two.  Here's a couple recent shots of us!

Noah, Momma, and Eli



Sweet Ben.  He wouldn't go down the Slip n' Slide, but he likes to get wet and rolls balls down it!




I just love this pic . . . . and these little boys!



This is a test . . . .

. . . . . this is only a test.  Had this been a real blog post, there would have been a story.  Some pictures, perhaps a funny anecdote about the boys.

There will be more coming soon.  Promise.

Super Saturday: Blanket Fort

Today was a low-key, hang out at home family day.  The boys never even made it out of their PJs!  (Although that happens more often than I'm comfortable admitting!)

Before naps, we decide that the day was perfect for a blanket fort in the living room.  Something simple but super fun!  The boys loved it.  I wasn't sure if Ben would like it.  We have one of those expandable tunnels for the boys to crawl through and Ben is completely terrified of it.  I thought the blanket fort might scare him too, but he loved it!  He was all grins and smiles.  He's smiling much more now and becoming more comfortable and SILLY.  So funny!

A few pics of our "Super Saturday" fun.  Enjoy!

Moms on a Mission

At the beginning of March, my friend and fellow Korea adoptive mom, Amy, asked if we would join her in making donations of Rice Cereal and Desitin ointment to send the Holt International in Seoul.  (Holt is the agency in Korea that helped us bring Noah and Ben home.)  I thought, sure - we can pick up a couple boxes of cereal and a few tubes to send over.  We shared what we were doing with other "Korea Moms" that we know and BOOM!  Talk about a snowball effect!  We had an overwhelming and wonderful response from family and friends.  Last night all of the Korea Moms came together not only to compile and box up the donations, but to connect, share stories, and make new friends.  What an awesome night.  We had so much fun, I can't even describe it.  By my count there were 13 moms there - all in different phases of the process.  How lucky we are to be able to share this fellowship of adopting to expand our families.  It creates a special bond.  We came together and shared stories, pictures, plans, challenges, advice, and good times.  It was a perfect GNO (Girls' Night Out!)

Here are a few shots of the moms and our mountain of donations.  

It warms my heart to think of all the sweet Korean babies who will be helped by our efforts.

Korea moms!!!! 

So happy to meet, know, and learn from each of you!

 

 

To all my family and friends who donated, THANK YOU!  I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.  I hope to pay your kindness forward many times over.

A special project, a special bond, a special night.  THANKS, LADIES!!!!  And thank you Amy for getting this started.  She is such an awesome mom and I am proud to call her my friend.

Godparents are great!

Nathan and I did something very special recently.  We are finally making plans to get the boys baptized, so we sat down to choose godparents for them.  To me, godparents are important.  They are people that are not only special to us, but they are people that we want to be special to our kids.  Role Models.  Friends.  Guides.

So, I want to take a quick minute to say something special about each of the boys' godparents and why we asked them to be a part of our family's life.  First, I'll say that each of our sons has a godparent from each side of our family - one from my side, one from Nate's side.  We didn't really plan it that way - it's just how it happened!  And each of the godparents is already family, most of them cousins.  I've heard it said that cousins are your first friends and I think that is absolutely true.  First and lifelong friends.  We didn't look outside our family for role models because we didn't need to.  They are each special to us and we're so happy that they all said YES when we asked them!  We are so lucky!

Noah's godfather is my cousin Jesse.  Actually, I guess Jesse is my second cousin or first-once-removed or whatever (his mom and I are first cousins!)  I know Jesse was surprised when I asked him, but I really think he will do a great job.  Jess is young - only 21 this year.  BUT, he's got his act together and he knows what is important.  This fall he will marry a beautiful, hilarious, awesome lady (sweet LindsayLou!) and we are so excited.  Jesse is getting ready to start a whole new chapter in his life and I want Noah to be a part of that.    He knows the value of family, which is hugely important to me.  In a weird way, I guess asking him to be Noah's godfather is kinda like an early wedding gift.  It's another way that he and Lindsay can journey together - by leading my little man.  Not just in faith, but in life, love and family.  They adore Noah and I am so thankful that Jesse said yes when I asked him.  Besides, I know both his mom and his soon-to-be-wife will kick his butt if he doesn't do a good job!!!  :-)

Jesse and Lindsay

Seriously, how cute are they?!?!?!?

Noah's godmother is Nathan's cousin Dena.  Dena is the same age as Nate, and they have lots of fun childhood memories to share.  As luck would have it, I went to high school with Dena and we all went to Ball State together.  Dena is a genuinely sweet, funny, loving woman.  She is an amazing mom and two of her kiddos are about as close in age as our boys.  She has always been there when we've needed an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or a friend to jump up and down in excitement.  I can't tell you how badly I wish we lived closer so that we could make great memories more often.  We love her so much and are so grateful to her for her unfailing support of our family.

Noah and Dena, the first time they met.  (Noah looks SO little!) 

 

Oh . . and yes, Noah's shirt says, "I cry when ugly people hold me."

Eli's godfather is Nathan's cousin Adrian.  I mentioned earlier that cousins are your first friends, and this is true with Nathan and Adrian.  Nate was fortunate to grow up with all his cousins close by and he and Adrian were pretty tight as youngsters.  Now, Nate and I have moved away so we don't get to see all the family as often as we wish.  But, those friendships and the memories you make are strong and stay with you to guide you through life.  That's how Nate feels about Adrian.  Adrian's wife Andrea is awesome, too - they both love our kiddos and we are thrilled that this fall they are going to have one of their own!

Adrian and Andrea

We chose my cousin April as Eli's godmother.  This was the EASIEST choice of all!  April and I have always been close.  Our moms are twin sisters.  My mom is her godmother; her mom is my godmother.  I was incredibly blessed when she asked me to be godmother to her oldest son, Carson (who I can't believe is already 9 years old!)  When I thought about who I wanted to be Eli's godmother, there was no other choice than April.

Me and April

Ben's godfather is my cousin John.  John is one of our favorite people, and has been for a long time.  The first time I brought Nathan home to meet my extended family before we were married, I asked him what he thought of everyone.  Nate was understandably overwhelmed, but without hesitation he said, "John is really cool - I like him A LOT.  I'd like to hang out with him some more."  That's a big compliment coming from my hubby!  To me, John is strength, loyalty, and family.  His road hasn't always been easy, but he has an amazing family with his wife Lauren and their sweet little girl Sophia, who is just a couple weeks younger than Ben.

John, Sophia, and Lauren with our Grandmother Elvera

Ben's godmother is Nate's aunt Denise.  Denise was like a second mother to Nate when he was little.  In fact, when Denise became pregnant with her first child, Nathan was SO upset.  He was only about 4 years old at the time, but he was heartbroken.   Inconsolable.  Crushed.  He was so afraid that Denise wasn't going to love him anymore!  That first child turned out to be Adrian who is now Eli's godfather, so good thing it all turned out all right!  But seriously, Denise has always been supportive of Nathan, and of me since I joined the family.  She was a great help when we were dealing with the news of Ben's birth and struggling to find a way to bring him home.  She's very special to us.  (Plus, she gives the boys the best haircuts!)

That's Denise with Noah on our very first trip to visit.  Seems like so long ago!

 (I know Denise is going to kill me for putting her pic on here, but I just had to!)

How lucky are we to have such wonderful family to love, support, and guide our sweet boys???  Even from miles and miles away, I know that each of the godparents we've chosen will do an amazing job, and probably spoil the boys rotten along the way!  We are truly blessed!

Dark Day

 How can something I love so much be so HARD?  Before having children, I'd always heard people say that parenting was the most difficult, yet most rewarding thing in the world.  I never really believed them.  How hard could it be?  I've always loved kids, so I figured it would come easily to me.  That's true to a certain extent - the loving, the nurturing, the playfulness, and being silly are second nature.  I'm blown away at how hard the rest is.  Maybe I'm still in a bit of shock from adding little boys to our family so quickly, but I am completely exhausted.  Physically and emotionally ex-haust-ed.  I feel like I am falling apart.  My chronic back problems are flaring up because I've not been able to take time for myself since Ben came home.  I have exercises that help keep my troubled disc in check, but I just haven't been able to keep up with them.  So, I'm in pain almost all the time; picking up and carrying kids throughout the day.  Now I've got a toothache which is both painful and annoying.  I'm going to the dentist next week, but geez - come on!  My face has exploded in stress-induced acne which just pisses me off and makes me feel frumpy, ugly, and old.  And don't even get me started on the gray hair . . .

Ben is still getting adjusted to his new life and it's a struggle.  He's also been fighting an ear infection/respiratory ickiness, so we've had some long nights.  He doesn't nap well during the day and constantly wants to be held and WALKING.  He's one of those kids who gets upset when you sit down while holding him.  So frustrating!  It's also a huge struggle to help him get along with his brothers.  Having a two-and-a-half year old and two 15-month-olds is NOT easy.  Someone is ALWAYS crying.  I can barely walk from one room to another without someone screaming, or someone getting bitten, or someone screaming BECAUSE they've gotten bitten.   One of my greatest challenges is P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E.  I don't have enough.  I get frazzled and tired and cranky and lonely and scared and anxious and overwhelmed.  I get angry at myself for not always being the best mom I can be.  Sometimes I yell, and I really don't mean to.  Sometimes (like now) I cry for no reason, or maybe because I just need the emotional release.

I wish I was a better cook.  I stress out over what to make for meals - it has to be quick and something the kids will eat.  I sometimes feel guilty because I don't feel like I'm giving them enough nutritious, homemade food.  I never imagined (growing up with my mom the Super Cook) that I would become a convenience, out-of-a-box, frozen, prepared food kind of mom.  I want to do better and just don't have the time, energy, money, or know-how to do it.  I hate that.  I get resentful that I don't have any time to myself, even though I really do.  I have several times throughout the week that are set aside for me to get a break:  a good friend takes Noah and Eli for a few hours on Tuesdays, Nathan works from home on Wednesdays so he's around when I need back-up, and Thursday nights I get out of the house for church choir practice.  After spending a difficult day at home though, sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough.  Then there's the added guilt of feeling like I'm not being the best wife I can be, either.  Oy.

I am worn out.  Don't get me wrong - I love my kids, husband, and family with all my heart.  It's just really hard sometimes.  Parenting forces your biggest flaws and shortcomings to the forefront and it can be really difficult to deal with that in a healthy way that makes you a better, happier parent.  Hopefully getting some of these crazy thoughts and feelings down in a blog/journal will help. I don't want anyone reading this to get overly concerned - I promise I am OK.  I know I sound a little bleak in this post tonight, but I just needed to get some of my thoughts and feelings down in print to help figure it all out.

Looking forward to brighter, easier days to come . . . . . :-)

PHOTO FUNNY: Our First Family Photo

Just wanted to share a quick "photo funny."  Here's our attempt to take a family photo with three small, crabby, easily-distracted boys.  #FAIL!

I think this is as good as it's going to get!  :-)

At Home with Ben

So, what do you need to know about Ben?  Well as I said before, he is A-DOR-A-BLE.  He's got such a cute face and sweet little mannerisms that always make me smile.  He is small, but such a cuddly little guy.  He doesn't smile too much on his own, but you can always coax a grin out of him with a tickle or a quick toss in the air.  He's very "needy" right now (as can be expected when your whole world gets turned upside down!)  He will play on his own for a while, but then he needs to come over, cuddle, and have some one-on-one time with his favorite blankie.  After a quick blankie break, he is off and ready to go for a while longer!

He's not a great napper.  He sleeps OK at night, but we can't get him to nap for more than about 30-45 minutes during the day.  Sometimes I wish he'd take a cue from his brother Eli, who naps for a good 2 hours!  He eats better than we thought he would.  The checkup reports that we received in the months before he came home always noted "poor oral intake."  We weren't exactly sure what that meant, but he's tried everything we've offered to him and has eaten some really great meals.  My only complaint in the food department is that he eats incredibly s-l-o-w-l-y.  Sometimes I feel as if I've spent my whole day at the table with him.  Nonetheless, I think we'll fatten him up in no time!

Ben is a thumb-sucker.  I've never had one of those before.  He only sucks his thumb when he has his blankie.  It's really stinking adorable to see, but it does make me anxious about how we will break him of it in the future.

What are some of my favorite things about Ben?  He makes funny faces at me.  He turns his head up, squints his eyes, squishes up his nose and grins at me sometimes and it just makes me giggle.  I'm trying to get a picture of it.  When he finishes taking a drink, he smacks his lips and says, "Ahhhhh!"  I also love that he plays peek-a-boo, without any prompting.  Sometimes when he has his blankie, he'll just hold it up over his face, then peek out with a big grin.

My all-time favorite thing about Ben?  It's the same with all my boys.  It's that sweet, heavy feeling of a head on my shoulder and a body on my chest and a face nuzzled into my neck.  Even when everyone is screaming to be held at the same time and life is completely nuts and I wonder how in the world I'm going to survive the next few minutes, let alone the next few years, that precious snuggly feeling is one I never take for granted.

A few pictures of Ben at home with us . . . . .

So sweet, so tired, so confused  . . . first night home

Checking "little" brother Eli out

Love his sweet face!

 Floor time with Daddy

I just love Eli's face in this one

Hanging out with Daddy . . . . drool and all.

Smiley Eli loves the new red truck Ben brought home

 Momma and Ben first thing in the morning

Could he be any cuter???

Life with Ben

He's here!  He's here!  He's here!

It's no surprise, but again I've not kept up with my blogging as I would like to.  A lot has happen in the last three weeks, namely  

BEN IS HOME!!!!

It's been two weeks ago tonight since we welcomed our new little man home.  He is doing SO well.  He's eating and sleeping well.  And yes, he is adorable.  He is just a tiny little peanut.  So small for his age!  He and Eli are just three days apart in age (and Ben is older) but Eli looks like a giant when they stand next to each other.  All his medical tests came back OK, so no worries there.  It's hard to explain, but he feels much more like a "baby" than Eli does.  In my mind, Eli is officially a toddler.  Ben's just not quite there yet.

The last two weeks certainly haven't been without their challenges.  While Ben has slept and eaten well, he does have some problems getting along with his brothers.  When things don't go his way or he has trouble sharing, he bites!  Poor Eli has gotten the brunt of Ben's chompers over the last week.  We're working with them to keep the peace.  I'm sure it will get better, but right now it just stinks!

I've got much much more to share, but I'd better wrap up this post with a few pics from Ben's homecoming day.  Will try to post more over the weekend!

Here he is!  Ben and his escort

Meeting Ben

Ben has a "lovey" - his special blanket.  Thank goodness for it!  I'm so thankful that he has something that can give him such comfort.

Daddy and Ben

Momma and Ben (yes, I am a crier!)

Eli does not like to share his momma!

The Withers Family of FIVE!!!

Our family with Ben's escort

Chatting with the escort, getting ready to head home

The official group photo of Ben's welcoming committee.  So thankful to have so many family and friends there to share this special occasion!

Me and my sweet, tired boy

Waiting on Ben . . .

Everybody's asking, everybody's wondering . . . . . . . where is Ben??? Here's the scoop. We thought he would be home before the end of 2010. We submitted our paperwork in August and expected to meet Ben in November or December (obviously that didn't happen!). We were thrown a big curve-ball in August when the Korean ministry which processes the paperwork basically shut down unexpectedly for the year. It is so frustrating to wait when you don't know how long the wait will be - and there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to make it any shorter. Sometimes bureaucracy really stinks!



The extra months added to our wait have been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that it has given us extra time we didn't expect to be a family of 4 with Noah and Eli. It was nice to enjoy a quiet Christmas at home with our two boys - something we'll be able to look back on in years to come and say, "Here's the Christmas when we were waiting on Ben." It's given me more time to get used to the idea of being a mom to three boys under 3 years of age. I'm still scared to death, but faith in God and the love of my husband and family have gotten me this far, so I guess we'll just stick with it!



This extra time hasn't been easy, of course. I'll admit that it was incredibly difficult not to have Ben home for his first birthday. My heart aches when I think of the parts, the milestones, of Ben's life that we've missed. That ache is especially sharp when I compare Eli's life to Ben's. I know, I know, comparing two different little boys is probably a bad habit that I should break, but I think it's natural to look at Eli (who is only THREE DAYS younger than Ben) and wonder, "What's Ben doing today? Can he walk yet? Does he like bananas as much as Eli? Does he make silly faces like Eli does? Is he EVER going to come home so these three brothers can play together?"



My days are busy of course - Noah and Eli make sure of that! I just get this feeling of stalling out, no forward motion, no progress being made. It's hard to stay positive.  It feels like the wait is going to drag on forever and we're just going to be stuck in this sad cycle of waiting. It's hard to find the motivation to do anything - like housework, long-awaited projects, or blogging. I won't allow the wait to ruin the time we have now or prevent us from living our lives "in the now" though. I take such joy in Noah and Eli and the way they grow and learn and oh my goodness do they make me laugh! Our days are happy, but there's always a shadow.  So many thoughts, so many questions, so many depressed, dark times, waiting. Just waiting on Ben . . . .



There is hope! The beginning of 2011 has brought good news. The Korean ministry has reopened and begun processing paperwork, and ours is already approved! We're running out of steps left in this crazy process, so we expect Ben to be home SOON! Hopefully in just a few weeks. Nathan's birthday is February 18th . . . . . maybe Ben will be the best birthday present ever!

Photo Album: ELI'S FIRST BIRTHDAY

 So big!!!

 Mama & Daddy with the birthday boy

Our family of four

One and WALKING!

Presents!

Tissue Paper!

What is it???

Noah wants to help

"Put it together, Daddy!"

Mmmm . . . .this Cookie is good!

 Noah gets to play, too

Elmo cupcakes!!!

Happy birthday to you!

He was fine until we sang "Happy birthday, dear Eli"  

He thought we were yelling at him when we sang his name!

Three cupcakes, all to himself

He starts to dig in . . . 

Nom nom nom!!!

Frosting fingers!

Mmmmmmmm!

Noah got in on the cupcake action, too

Still going. . . 

Getting into the blue one now - I love his little blue beard!

 

Almost done!

Oooohhhhhhh!!!

Smiley, happy, birthday boy

"I can't believe I ate the WHOLE thing!"

 Splish splash, gettin' cleaned up

Somebody turned the tub water PINK!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELI!!!!!