Godparents are great!

Nathan and I did something very special recently.  We are finally making plans to get the boys baptized, so we sat down to choose godparents for them.  To me, godparents are important.  They are people that are not only special to us, but they are people that we want to be special to our kids.  Role Models.  Friends.  Guides.

So, I want to take a quick minute to say something special about each of the boys' godparents and why we asked them to be a part of our family's life.  First, I'll say that each of our sons has a godparent from each side of our family - one from my side, one from Nate's side.  We didn't really plan it that way - it's just how it happened!  And each of the godparents is already family, most of them cousins.  I've heard it said that cousins are your first friends and I think that is absolutely true.  First and lifelong friends.  We didn't look outside our family for role models because we didn't need to.  They are each special to us and we're so happy that they all said YES when we asked them!  We are so lucky!

Noah's godfather is my cousin Jesse.  Actually, I guess Jesse is my second cousin or first-once-removed or whatever (his mom and I are first cousins!)  I know Jesse was surprised when I asked him, but I really think he will do a great job.  Jess is young - only 21 this year.  BUT, he's got his act together and he knows what is important.  This fall he will marry a beautiful, hilarious, awesome lady (sweet LindsayLou!) and we are so excited.  Jesse is getting ready to start a whole new chapter in his life and I want Noah to be a part of that.    He knows the value of family, which is hugely important to me.  In a weird way, I guess asking him to be Noah's godfather is kinda like an early wedding gift.  It's another way that he and Lindsay can journey together - by leading my little man.  Not just in faith, but in life, love and family.  They adore Noah and I am so thankful that Jesse said yes when I asked him.  Besides, I know both his mom and his soon-to-be-wife will kick his butt if he doesn't do a good job!!!  :-)

Jesse and Lindsay

Seriously, how cute are they?!?!?!?

Noah's godmother is Nathan's cousin Dena.  Dena is the same age as Nate, and they have lots of fun childhood memories to share.  As luck would have it, I went to high school with Dena and we all went to Ball State together.  Dena is a genuinely sweet, funny, loving woman.  She is an amazing mom and two of her kiddos are about as close in age as our boys.  She has always been there when we've needed an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or a friend to jump up and down in excitement.  I can't tell you how badly I wish we lived closer so that we could make great memories more often.  We love her so much and are so grateful to her for her unfailing support of our family.

Noah and Dena, the first time they met.  (Noah looks SO little!) 

 

Oh . . and yes, Noah's shirt says, "I cry when ugly people hold me."

Eli's godfather is Nathan's cousin Adrian.  I mentioned earlier that cousins are your first friends, and this is true with Nathan and Adrian.  Nate was fortunate to grow up with all his cousins close by and he and Adrian were pretty tight as youngsters.  Now, Nate and I have moved away so we don't get to see all the family as often as we wish.  But, those friendships and the memories you make are strong and stay with you to guide you through life.  That's how Nate feels about Adrian.  Adrian's wife Andrea is awesome, too - they both love our kiddos and we are thrilled that this fall they are going to have one of their own!

Adrian and Andrea

We chose my cousin April as Eli's godmother.  This was the EASIEST choice of all!  April and I have always been close.  Our moms are twin sisters.  My mom is her godmother; her mom is my godmother.  I was incredibly blessed when she asked me to be godmother to her oldest son, Carson (who I can't believe is already 9 years old!)  When I thought about who I wanted to be Eli's godmother, there was no other choice than April.

Me and April

Ben's godfather is my cousin John.  John is one of our favorite people, and has been for a long time.  The first time I brought Nathan home to meet my extended family before we were married, I asked him what he thought of everyone.  Nate was understandably overwhelmed, but without hesitation he said, "John is really cool - I like him A LOT.  I'd like to hang out with him some more."  That's a big compliment coming from my hubby!  To me, John is strength, loyalty, and family.  His road hasn't always been easy, but he has an amazing family with his wife Lauren and their sweet little girl Sophia, who is just a couple weeks younger than Ben.

John, Sophia, and Lauren with our Grandmother Elvera

Ben's godmother is Nate's aunt Denise.  Denise was like a second mother to Nate when he was little.  In fact, when Denise became pregnant with her first child, Nathan was SO upset.  He was only about 4 years old at the time, but he was heartbroken.   Inconsolable.  Crushed.  He was so afraid that Denise wasn't going to love him anymore!  That first child turned out to be Adrian who is now Eli's godfather, so good thing it all turned out all right!  But seriously, Denise has always been supportive of Nathan, and of me since I joined the family.  She was a great help when we were dealing with the news of Ben's birth and struggling to find a way to bring him home.  She's very special to us.  (Plus, she gives the boys the best haircuts!)

That's Denise with Noah on our very first trip to visit.  Seems like so long ago!

 (I know Denise is going to kill me for putting her pic on here, but I just had to!)

How lucky are we to have such wonderful family to love, support, and guide our sweet boys???  Even from miles and miles away, I know that each of the godparents we've chosen will do an amazing job, and probably spoil the boys rotten along the way!  We are truly blessed!

Dark Day

 How can something I love so much be so HARD?  Before having children, I'd always heard people say that parenting was the most difficult, yet most rewarding thing in the world.  I never really believed them.  How hard could it be?  I've always loved kids, so I figured it would come easily to me.  That's true to a certain extent - the loving, the nurturing, the playfulness, and being silly are second nature.  I'm blown away at how hard the rest is.  Maybe I'm still in a bit of shock from adding little boys to our family so quickly, but I am completely exhausted.  Physically and emotionally ex-haust-ed.  I feel like I am falling apart.  My chronic back problems are flaring up because I've not been able to take time for myself since Ben came home.  I have exercises that help keep my troubled disc in check, but I just haven't been able to keep up with them.  So, I'm in pain almost all the time; picking up and carrying kids throughout the day.  Now I've got a toothache which is both painful and annoying.  I'm going to the dentist next week, but geez - come on!  My face has exploded in stress-induced acne which just pisses me off and makes me feel frumpy, ugly, and old.  And don't even get me started on the gray hair . . .

Ben is still getting adjusted to his new life and it's a struggle.  He's also been fighting an ear infection/respiratory ickiness, so we've had some long nights.  He doesn't nap well during the day and constantly wants to be held and WALKING.  He's one of those kids who gets upset when you sit down while holding him.  So frustrating!  It's also a huge struggle to help him get along with his brothers.  Having a two-and-a-half year old and two 15-month-olds is NOT easy.  Someone is ALWAYS crying.  I can barely walk from one room to another without someone screaming, or someone getting bitten, or someone screaming BECAUSE they've gotten bitten.   One of my greatest challenges is P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E.  I don't have enough.  I get frazzled and tired and cranky and lonely and scared and anxious and overwhelmed.  I get angry at myself for not always being the best mom I can be.  Sometimes I yell, and I really don't mean to.  Sometimes (like now) I cry for no reason, or maybe because I just need the emotional release.

I wish I was a better cook.  I stress out over what to make for meals - it has to be quick and something the kids will eat.  I sometimes feel guilty because I don't feel like I'm giving them enough nutritious, homemade food.  I never imagined (growing up with my mom the Super Cook) that I would become a convenience, out-of-a-box, frozen, prepared food kind of mom.  I want to do better and just don't have the time, energy, money, or know-how to do it.  I hate that.  I get resentful that I don't have any time to myself, even though I really do.  I have several times throughout the week that are set aside for me to get a break:  a good friend takes Noah and Eli for a few hours on Tuesdays, Nathan works from home on Wednesdays so he's around when I need back-up, and Thursday nights I get out of the house for church choir practice.  After spending a difficult day at home though, sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough.  Then there's the added guilt of feeling like I'm not being the best wife I can be, either.  Oy.

I am worn out.  Don't get me wrong - I love my kids, husband, and family with all my heart.  It's just really hard sometimes.  Parenting forces your biggest flaws and shortcomings to the forefront and it can be really difficult to deal with that in a healthy way that makes you a better, happier parent.  Hopefully getting some of these crazy thoughts and feelings down in a blog/journal will help. I don't want anyone reading this to get overly concerned - I promise I am OK.  I know I sound a little bleak in this post tonight, but I just needed to get some of my thoughts and feelings down in print to help figure it all out.

Looking forward to brighter, easier days to come . . . . . :-)

PHOTO FUNNY: Our First Family Photo

Just wanted to share a quick "photo funny."  Here's our attempt to take a family photo with three small, crabby, easily-distracted boys.  #FAIL!

I think this is as good as it's going to get!  :-)

At Home with Ben

So, what do you need to know about Ben?  Well as I said before, he is A-DOR-A-BLE.  He's got such a cute face and sweet little mannerisms that always make me smile.  He is small, but such a cuddly little guy.  He doesn't smile too much on his own, but you can always coax a grin out of him with a tickle or a quick toss in the air.  He's very "needy" right now (as can be expected when your whole world gets turned upside down!)  He will play on his own for a while, but then he needs to come over, cuddle, and have some one-on-one time with his favorite blankie.  After a quick blankie break, he is off and ready to go for a while longer!

He's not a great napper.  He sleeps OK at night, but we can't get him to nap for more than about 30-45 minutes during the day.  Sometimes I wish he'd take a cue from his brother Eli, who naps for a good 2 hours!  He eats better than we thought he would.  The checkup reports that we received in the months before he came home always noted "poor oral intake."  We weren't exactly sure what that meant, but he's tried everything we've offered to him and has eaten some really great meals.  My only complaint in the food department is that he eats incredibly s-l-o-w-l-y.  Sometimes I feel as if I've spent my whole day at the table with him.  Nonetheless, I think we'll fatten him up in no time!

Ben is a thumb-sucker.  I've never had one of those before.  He only sucks his thumb when he has his blankie.  It's really stinking adorable to see, but it does make me anxious about how we will break him of it in the future.

What are some of my favorite things about Ben?  He makes funny faces at me.  He turns his head up, squints his eyes, squishes up his nose and grins at me sometimes and it just makes me giggle.  I'm trying to get a picture of it.  When he finishes taking a drink, he smacks his lips and says, "Ahhhhh!"  I also love that he plays peek-a-boo, without any prompting.  Sometimes when he has his blankie, he'll just hold it up over his face, then peek out with a big grin.

My all-time favorite thing about Ben?  It's the same with all my boys.  It's that sweet, heavy feeling of a head on my shoulder and a body on my chest and a face nuzzled into my neck.  Even when everyone is screaming to be held at the same time and life is completely nuts and I wonder how in the world I'm going to survive the next few minutes, let alone the next few years, that precious snuggly feeling is one I never take for granted.

A few pictures of Ben at home with us . . . . .

So sweet, so tired, so confused  . . . first night home

Checking "little" brother Eli out

Love his sweet face!

 Floor time with Daddy

I just love Eli's face in this one

Hanging out with Daddy . . . . drool and all.

Smiley Eli loves the new red truck Ben brought home

 Momma and Ben first thing in the morning

Could he be any cuter???

Life with Ben

He's here!  He's here!  He's here!

It's no surprise, but again I've not kept up with my blogging as I would like to.  A lot has happen in the last three weeks, namely  

BEN IS HOME!!!!

It's been two weeks ago tonight since we welcomed our new little man home.  He is doing SO well.  He's eating and sleeping well.  And yes, he is adorable.  He is just a tiny little peanut.  So small for his age!  He and Eli are just three days apart in age (and Ben is older) but Eli looks like a giant when they stand next to each other.  All his medical tests came back OK, so no worries there.  It's hard to explain, but he feels much more like a "baby" than Eli does.  In my mind, Eli is officially a toddler.  Ben's just not quite there yet.

The last two weeks certainly haven't been without their challenges.  While Ben has slept and eaten well, he does have some problems getting along with his brothers.  When things don't go his way or he has trouble sharing, he bites!  Poor Eli has gotten the brunt of Ben's chompers over the last week.  We're working with them to keep the peace.  I'm sure it will get better, but right now it just stinks!

I've got much much more to share, but I'd better wrap up this post with a few pics from Ben's homecoming day.  Will try to post more over the weekend!

Here he is!  Ben and his escort

Meeting Ben

Ben has a "lovey" - his special blanket.  Thank goodness for it!  I'm so thankful that he has something that can give him such comfort.

Daddy and Ben

Momma and Ben (yes, I am a crier!)

Eli does not like to share his momma!

The Withers Family of FIVE!!!

Our family with Ben's escort

Chatting with the escort, getting ready to head home

The official group photo of Ben's welcoming committee.  So thankful to have so many family and friends there to share this special occasion!

Me and my sweet, tired boy