Waiting on Ben . . .

Everybody's asking, everybody's wondering . . . . . . . where is Ben??? Here's the scoop. We thought he would be home before the end of 2010. We submitted our paperwork in August and expected to meet Ben in November or December (obviously that didn't happen!). We were thrown a big curve-ball in August when the Korean ministry which processes the paperwork basically shut down unexpectedly for the year. It is so frustrating to wait when you don't know how long the wait will be - and there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to make it any shorter. Sometimes bureaucracy really stinks!



The extra months added to our wait have been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that it has given us extra time we didn't expect to be a family of 4 with Noah and Eli. It was nice to enjoy a quiet Christmas at home with our two boys - something we'll be able to look back on in years to come and say, "Here's the Christmas when we were waiting on Ben." It's given me more time to get used to the idea of being a mom to three boys under 3 years of age. I'm still scared to death, but faith in God and the love of my husband and family have gotten me this far, so I guess we'll just stick with it!



This extra time hasn't been easy, of course. I'll admit that it was incredibly difficult not to have Ben home for his first birthday. My heart aches when I think of the parts, the milestones, of Ben's life that we've missed. That ache is especially sharp when I compare Eli's life to Ben's. I know, I know, comparing two different little boys is probably a bad habit that I should break, but I think it's natural to look at Eli (who is only THREE DAYS younger than Ben) and wonder, "What's Ben doing today? Can he walk yet? Does he like bananas as much as Eli? Does he make silly faces like Eli does? Is he EVER going to come home so these three brothers can play together?"



My days are busy of course - Noah and Eli make sure of that! I just get this feeling of stalling out, no forward motion, no progress being made. It's hard to stay positive.  It feels like the wait is going to drag on forever and we're just going to be stuck in this sad cycle of waiting. It's hard to find the motivation to do anything - like housework, long-awaited projects, or blogging. I won't allow the wait to ruin the time we have now or prevent us from living our lives "in the now" though. I take such joy in Noah and Eli and the way they grow and learn and oh my goodness do they make me laugh! Our days are happy, but there's always a shadow.  So many thoughts, so many questions, so many depressed, dark times, waiting. Just waiting on Ben . . . .



There is hope! The beginning of 2011 has brought good news. The Korean ministry has reopened and begun processing paperwork, and ours is already approved! We're running out of steps left in this crazy process, so we expect Ben to be home SOON! Hopefully in just a few weeks. Nathan's birthday is February 18th . . . . . maybe Ben will be the best birthday present ever!